so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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