You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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