ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I love having hate sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
