dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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