i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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