I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
