she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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