I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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