You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
