Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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