We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
