Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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