I wanna bring you to show and tell
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
