Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
soo... how was my night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
