yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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