I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
