I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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