I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
