THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just found a bag of teeth...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
