i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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