so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
