I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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