i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
