3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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