Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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