Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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