And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
