based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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My ATM looks so different sober.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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