i just wanna soil my oats bro
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
