You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
