Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
