I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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