apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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