I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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