his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
