the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
