just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
