There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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