He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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