It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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