he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We left an ass print on the piano.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Boobs are out for the taking
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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