hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
