meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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