I'm really into asian looking animals
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
