Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
