I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
