I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
