I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
