IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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