she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
