I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my shit smells like andre
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
