You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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