so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
