wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
