Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
