She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
