yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
