you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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