i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
