Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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