new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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