Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
