Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
