No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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