I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize