we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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