I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
