roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
